I asked my friends to name the good points about me and boy, did I blush. They considered me kind, willing to help people, and open and honest. Yeah, right. If only they knew. My counsellor said to wait awhile before I tell them but I would really love to share everything I find. Like this book by Kaz Cooke called “Girl stuff: your full-on guide to the teen years.” I found it in our public library and on page 290 there’s a chapter heading called “Liking girls: same-sex relationships.” I found a quiet corner to read it as I was getting hot and bothered. I was quite sure the librarian was looking at me. Kaz had my favourite word for “lesbian”, namely “dyke”. She went on to explain how these words were derogatory but had been ‘reclaimed’ by gay people. Would I be unhappy if some straight person called me a “dyke” though? My choice of how to react but if it was said with hate, then I might be offended.
Kaz said that working out my sexuality was part of being a teenager, that it was ‘normal’. I have to decide on it and whether I want to live my life as a dyke or remain living as a heterosexual. She also says being gay is ‘not wrong or bad, or a disease or illness that needs to be “cured”’. It can’t be changed. So my choice is whether to be true to myself as my Nan wrote in my autograph book when I started high school.
I liked the last bit: “How do you know if you’re gay?”
There are bisexuals and there are those who have a crush on their female teacher (in my case, the French teacher). This does not mean I am a lesbian. There is no test that tells me otherwise if I decide to sleep with either sex. I literally slept with one guy and nothing happened.
Some people accept their homosexuality when they’re adults.
At least I have found a ‘non-judgemental person’ to whom I can talk and be secure in her confidence. It makes life so much easier having someone to confide in and share my misgivings and fears about liking girls. As Kaz says, there are plenty out there and I will find them when I am older and able to go to ‘festivals and clubs.’
And she gives a list of gay girl movies and Internet contacts.
Leave a comment about your coming out experience.