I saw my counsellor again today and she was really happy with my efforts of asking my best friends what was so good about me. I looked down at my feet as I told her, being rather embarrassed. She asked me if I was feeling better since our last session and if I was ready to ‘out’ myself as she called it. I said ‘no’, not yet. If I ‘out’ myself, I can’t control how people will react. And my counsellor asked me, if I could take control of the situation, what could I do? I said I could control my reaction and my attitude about the problem. I really fear losing my friends, being alone and unhappy. I think I would die.
My counsellor then asked me if I had heard about Generation Waking Up. She gave me a URL which I checked out this evening. I could afford $450 though I’ll ask my parents to help as I wanted to give everyone really good presents at Christmas. The next training is in the school holidays so I wouldn’t miss school. My counsellor is going, as well as two other girls so far.
‘It provides young people with the opportunity to make a positive contribution amongst their peers and within their communities’.
I don’t think I would have gone if I had ‘outed’ myself beforehand – I’d feel too raw and wouldn’t be able to concentrate. Maybe there’ll be other lesbians there – that would be way cool.
I agree with their statement: ‘We are living in a critical moment in history, facing social and environmental challenges like no other generation before, and a profound opportunity to remake our world’.
I think I would like ‘to create a thriving, just, sustainable world…’
It would give me a new purpose in life as I move through adolescence into adulthood, as well as the skills to create ‘the change our world needs now’.
It would be great to live in a world where diversity was accepted. I really fear homophobic reactions, especially the physical kind. Though words would surely devastate me. I like the statement: ‘what has to change in the way we see ourselves, each other, and our world, if we want to create a world that works for all?
It doesn’t matter what I choose to do about my being a lesbian, staying in the closet or ‘outing’ myself, there are far more important things to consider such as saving our planet.
Will I look back to this time and advise others of my choice? What would you do?