‘Intimacy is always a risk, but the risk of loneliness is far greater.’

I found this at collca (k:60). How am I going to get closer to my goal of finding a partner, be it male or female?

My best friends are also leaving school but they have work in the city. One is a filing clerk for a bank (boring) and another works in a restaurant. It will be hard to catch up during the week plus at the weekend there’ll only be the two of us. I would really like to meet some lesbians to see what they’re like and if I’m like them.

I contacted Minus 18 and hopefully I’ll meet up with them soon. I looked for them at the Midsumma festival but couldn’t find them. I went on my own without telling anyone, let alone Mum. There were hundreds of lesbians there. I felt really alone yet connected.

* * *

Guess what? I got myself a job. Nothing to crow about but I don’t have to travel into the city every day. The bad news is I have to work six days a week, including the weekends and Thursday and Friday evenings. We’ll have to share our rosters to see when we’re all free to get together. And if we go out Saturday night I can’t be too late, not that my parents let me stay out much after midnight anyway. The upside is I won’t be available for babysitting or having many meals with the family. I know Mum likes to keep a hot meal for me ready to heat in the microwave, but it’s usually pretty dry. We seem to have chops and three veg nearly every I should be healthy.

And it’s a shoe shop I’ll be working in. Mum found the job for me when I was sleeping in last week. I can catch the bus into the Centre and I can wear my usual clothes, nothing fancy but modern. The manager is a man who has owned the shop for many years – he’s grey and wears long shirts and a tie. I call him Mr McKenna. He has a daughter, Melanie, who works with him but she’ll be going to Uni soon so he needs a replacement. The late evening hours coincide with the hours of the Centre as well as the weekend when they get most of their trade. Melanie will help out at the weekends, on either day. She’s short like me with spikey hair (not like me) and has some really trendy clothes and shoes. I’ve met her once and she seems really cool so it will be nice to have a friendly face for my start in my full-time job.

And I had to give notice to the gift shop. They were sorry to see me go but they couldn’t afford me full time.

Will I get closer to intimacy this year? Stay tuned.


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