Coming out again

I went online this morning and checked out Minus-18 again. I’m not sure about joining yet as I’m not convinced I’m a lesbian. It’s such a hard word. But then so is ‘dyke’. I call my blog ‘Diary of a Babydyke’ because I read it somewhere and I think it’s really cool.

I’ve found some new sites and I’m looking to catch up with others who aren’t sure. One of the sites I looked at was full of pictures of teenage girls having sex. Pretty cool. I don’t see where I can join the conversation, though.

One of my books on Kindle is called Building a fanbase by Duolit, two women who have a web site devoted to ideas for one’s blog. I’m not after ideas but sharing and I would love to expand my base of fans so that like-minded people can respond to this blog.

When I surfed around Minus-18, I found a great article called, “Stages of Coming Out”. There are seven stages and I reckon I’m at #2, “Accepting myself”.

The first stage, “Identity Question”, is about questioning: “Am I straight?” I think so. “Do I prefer the company of women?” Yes. “Do I have male friends?” No – only a couple on Facebook. “Do I hate males?” Only my stepfather, especially when he wants to hold hands when we’re watching TV. Maybe I’ll buy a cheap TV first and then I’ll be able to watch my own shows, though I’ll need a recorder to tape my shows when I’m at work. Boy, I love making my own decisions though it won’t get me my car any day sooner.

Will I find a special person in my life? Maybe the next time I go to a dance. It would be so cool to go to an all-women’s event without guys checking you out and you have to wait until a guy asks you to dance. That is just so old-fashioned but I’ve never asked a guy to dance and I’ve never found one I wanted to. The men who inspire me are the priests (despite the court cases), especially the young ones. We have one in our parish and I don’t admit to anyone that he’s the reason I go to church. Now that I’m working on Sunday, I go to the Saturday evening Mass and I meet up with my school friends and maybe later, my work friends when I get to know them, before we go out for the evening. I don’t like using my fake pass to get into licensed premises. We usually go to someone’s house or to the pictures, depending what’s on. I still have a midnight curfew which sucks but at least my folks will pick me up from wherever I am.



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