I went to my school today. It was really weird, not being in uniform and not having to be in class. I had an appointment with the counsellor to talk over the next Generation Waking Up symposium which will be at another school. I agree with her that doing it at my old school might be a bit nerve wracking. She was really pleased with my job and asked heaps of questions. I told her I wasn’t depressed anymore now that I was out of school. My family depressed me sometimes and my stepfather annoyed me with his hand holding when we watched TV but now my hours were staggered I didn’t have to see him very often, let alone put up with him. And when I have my own TV, then I can watch what I like in the privacy of my bedroom. Mum’s not too happy about that though she realises I need my own space. If only I had more money to move out. But then I couldn’t afford a car, especially a sports car like the MG I saw at the car park one day. I must get a picture of one and pin it on my wall along with a saying like “I believe I’m driving round in a sports car.” Maybe Rhiannon will get one for her birthday – in my dreams.
The other thing I shared with the counsellor was the party on Friday night. Melanie picked me up about 9 pm which brought a comment from my step dad that it was rather late to be going to a party. Melanie set his mind at rest and promised to have me home by 1 am. I could sleep in the next day and I really would have liked to stay out later. Small steps first.
Anyway, when we got there only a few people had arrived and all were girls and none as young as me. Melanie had the vodka for me and had to say to take it easy, we had nearly four hours to string it out.
Melanie introduced me to her friends, saying where I worked, with her. All her friends were from Uni and bemoaned all the assignments they had to do.
Someone put on a slow song and a couple of girls got up and danced seductively on the floor. I didn’t know where to look and was rather embarrassed. Melanie just smiled at me, like it was a big joke, and I wondered if any guys were going to turn up. I love dancing, but I’ve never danced with a woman and felt very self-conscious.
About 11 pm I asked Melanie to drive me home. She couldn’t straightaway as she’d been drinking and would have to wait til midnight before it was safe to drive.
I decided to call a cab which didn’t please Melanie at all and she complained bitterly that she was going to stop drinking at midnight so she could drive me home at 1 am.
I was in a quandary and decided to wait til midnight. She apologised for their being no men; they must have found a better party. I didn’t think so. The girls were lesbians and I was still questioning my sexuality. None of them appealed to me. In fact, they ignored me once they found out I was only a shoe salesperson. How embarrassing.
Melanie did sober up and drove me home. She didn’t talk much, let alone try to kiss me. I wasn’t ready. And I hoped this wouldn’t spoil our working relationship.
I spoke to my parents who were awake in bed. I made it up that I enjoyed myself and they seemed to accept it.
When I got to my bedroom I checked out Facebook and saw a picture of my school friends having a great time. Life sucks.