Being read and packing

 

I had my second injection but still no noticeable changes. I got my binder in the mail last week and I’m glad it’s winter as I get very hot wearing it. It’s great, though, as it flattens my chest and I can start to walk tall again instead of trying to hide them which I did ever since I reached puberty at the age of 14. I have to remember to pull my shoulders back and look people in the eye. I’ve had so much trouble with my breasts from finding the right size bra without trying them on in a shop to walking hunched over and being told off. How can I be proud of them when I didn’t want them in the first place? Another trick I learned from my brothers on the Internet was to wear checked shirts as they take the observer’s eyes away from the bulge.

I had a funny experience the other day. I’d gone into the service station to pay for petrol for Joe and as I walked out this woman looked me up and down to see if I had tackle. I had baggy pants on so she couldn’t tell. So I guess I pass as a man with some parts of my body.

I’ve learnt that not passing is being ‘read’, i.e. the observer sees you as your biological sex and not as you present. I have to put up with it for awhile until I get a ‘packy’ which I hope arrives soon.

I came across this survey which was really disturbing. In 2011 a National Transgender Discrimination Survey found that 63% of TG people have experienced serious discrimination. They have been physically abused, sexually assaulted, lost a job, been evicted, dropped out of school, are homeless.

How can I present as a male and go back to my all-women college for a school reunion? That’s really putting it on the line as they all know me as a female so being ‘read’ would be hard to take. I think at any rate.

 

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5 thoughts on “Being read and packing

  1. Rev. Z

    I can imagine going to your reunion will be a big test for you. I have the same fears myself. Personally speaking, I’m not on T (medical side effects are bad for me), but I do bind and sometimes can pass – until I open my mouth. My voice is still a dead giveaway. Thankfully I’m on the tall side, and broadly built. I wish you the best on your transition!

    Reply
  2. Sanah

    Sir, I applaud your courage ! I know it’ll be a very difficult and awkward situation for you to go to the reunion but then people can actually know the REAL you. Don’t let haters pull you down. You’re a strong man ! 🙂

    Reply
  3. Teeny Bikini

    Wow. All I can do is admire your courage. You are amazing. You are you and that is definitely something to be proud of. Thank you for sharing you story.

    Reply

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