Tag Archives: lesbian

Getting to know you

 

I rang my cousin Joe to say I wouldn’t be home for tea. I then asked Marlene if we could go to her place as I couldn’t afford dinner having just started my job and wanting to save up for my mastectomy. She was quite happy to shout me dinner but I wouldn’t let her. That would mean we were on a date and we’d only just met. Anyway, I would feel more comfortable talking in private away from prying ears as my story was pretty unusual.

So we caught a bus to her place which wasn’t far from Joe’s and I could walk home if the buses had finished for the day. Marlene rented a tiny flat in the complex of eight flats with a courtyard down the middle. She led the way while I gawked at all the different window displays.

            ‘We have some interesting tenants with whom you might relate. But I won’t land them on you tonight.’

            ‘Thanks,’ I said.

Inside, I walked straight into her lounge which had two comfy chairs facing a flat screen TV. Opposite was her bedroom which I couldn’t see into. Down the hall was the bathroom on the right then the kitchen with a very small table and two chairs.

            ‘I’ve got a few frozen meals, “Healthy Choice”, or would you like spaghetti without the meat?’

I like spaghetti so opted for that and was pleasantly surprised with the pesto through it.

We settled down in our chairs to watch a DVD called Desert hearts. I remember seeing it before but it was great being able to share it with someone who saw themselves as a dyke. I really like that word but I’m not comfortable with it for me now that I’m a boy.

We talked about my coming to terms with being a man and Marlene shared her adventures as a dyke. She liked being with women and what they did to her and she thought that maybe she and I could have a relationship which everyone would see as heterosexual. She suspected her dyke friends wouldn’t understand when she told them I was a boy but then maybe they would. I told her we’d have to go slow with this relationship thing because I had never been with someone before.

            ‘You’re like, a virgin!’ she said.

            ‘I guess so.’

 

More to come.

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Movies

 

The Melbourne Queer Film Festival is on now and Melanie and I went to see When Hainan meets Teochew. Melanie arranged with her father for him to take over at 3 pm so we could get into town and go to Federation Square and ACMI #2. We found our way there but got lost on the main level. I approached an events supervisor and she showed us the entrance. (I always get lost when I go there because I don’t go very often.)

The movie was about a male to female transsexual (Teochew) who looked quite feminine and dressed accordingly. The butch lesbian (Hainan) could have passed for a transman and also dressed accordingly. They both lived in the same apartment block. One day a bra fell off the hanger of Hainan which belonged to a previous girlfriend who had walked out on her. Teochew found it and hid it in her bedroom. She rented this from a landlord who referred to her as ‘he’ all the time.

After a rocky start, Hainan and Teochew become friends but Hainan’s ex-girlfriend turns up. Some funny moments and serious ones as the trio share Hainan’s double bed.

Then there’s the meeting with Hainan’s mother with and without Teochew. Her mother wants them to kiss but they can’t do it. Mother tells them to stop as it would make her feel bad being on her own.

After the show, we went for dinner at Maccas though I’ve been thinking about going vegetarian. I usually get lamb as sheep are preferable to beef. But both pollute the air and ground. So, maybe a vegie burger from Hungry Jacks next time.

We talked about the film and I talked about what I was reading in True selves…

I don’t know how I’m going to tell my parents. Melanie asked if I had a name picked out. I told her James or Michael. She likes Michael as she had her first kiss from a Michael. I hooted and said, so did I. Poetic or what.

What do you think of the two names? Leave a comment please.

Email

 

Wow, the latest post from Buzz Feed has a picture of a newly married couple, she in a wedding dress, kissing. It turns out they were both lesbian. Way cool.

Reminds me of a pic of kd lang having a shave from Cindy Crawford. I found a copy of Vanity Fair at the doctor’s and tore it out. Very wicked of me.

I don’t like keeping too much hard stuff in my bedroom as I have a snooping sister. I can scan on my printer so I have a bunch of photos of girls that I’ve been collecting for a year. I’m keeping the folder secret, even from this diary, though heaven help me if I get amnesia.

I spent every morning this week going through my email address that is linked to this blog. Sometimes I have a whole page. There is one girl who posts fantastic stuff and I’m saving it in my secret folder so I can read it later, like late at night. She calls it Tempted and it’s about two girls who have a serious pash on and sex only to have one girl say she can’t continue. Of course, the heroine is devastated and even more so when she socialises with people from work and there is the love of her life hand in hand with another woman.

I’ll have to wait until next week to see how the story unfolds.

I have a story that may be unfolding. Melanie, the boss’ daughter in the shoe shop, has invited me to a party tomorrow night. I asked her what kind of party, what to wear, should I bring alcohol (even though I’m underage), and where was it. She told me not to worry, that she would pick me up, she would get the booze (what did I like – vodka and orange so the folks won’t know), and wear anything casual. I have a lot of casual stuff though being summer, shorts and a t-shirt should suffice. I’ll have to see if my white bra is clean and dry – it is. Sandals for the feet – broken glass.

I spent the day at work, when we had no customers, asking Melanie about her friends. Some are from uni and some from school so there was a mix. What about boys and girls? Probably more girls than boys. So I wouldn’t want to pick up a guy and I wouldn’t know how to pick up a girl, even if I wanted to. Was I a babydyke about to find out my true calling or was I a straight girl questioning her sexuality?

Time will tell. What advice do you have for me?

 

Coming out again

I went online this morning and checked out Minus-18 again. I’m not sure about joining yet as I’m not convinced I’m a lesbian. It’s such a hard word. But then so is ‘dyke’. I call my blog ‘Diary of a Babydyke’ because I read it somewhere and I think it’s really cool.

I’ve found some new sites and I’m looking to catch up with others who aren’t sure. One of the sites I looked at was full of pictures of teenage girls having sex. Pretty cool. I don’t see where I can join the conversation, though.

One of my books on Kindle is called Building a fanbase by Duolit, two women who have a web site devoted to ideas for one’s blog. I’m not after ideas but sharing and I would love to expand my base of fans so that like-minded people can respond to this blog.

When I surfed around Minus-18, I found a great article called, “Stages of Coming Out”. There are seven stages and I reckon I’m at #2, “Accepting myself”.

The first stage, “Identity Question”, is about questioning: “Am I straight?” I think so. “Do I prefer the company of women?” Yes. “Do I have male friends?” No – only a couple on Facebook. “Do I hate males?” Only my stepfather, especially when he wants to hold hands when we’re watching TV. Maybe I’ll buy a cheap TV first and then I’ll be able to watch my own shows, though I’ll need a recorder to tape my shows when I’m at work. Boy, I love making my own decisions though it won’t get me my car any day sooner.

Will I find a special person in my life? Maybe the next time I go to a dance. It would be so cool to go to an all-women’s event without guys checking you out and you have to wait until a guy asks you to dance. That is just so old-fashioned but I’ve never asked a guy to dance and I’ve never found one I wanted to. The men who inspire me are the priests (despite the court cases), especially the young ones. We have one in our parish and I don’t admit to anyone that he’s the reason I go to church. Now that I’m working on Sunday, I go to the Saturday evening Mass and I meet up with my school friends and maybe later, my work friends when I get to know them, before we go out for the evening. I don’t like using my fake pass to get into licensed premises. We usually go to someone’s house or to the pictures, depending what’s on. I still have a midnight curfew which sucks but at least my folks will pick me up from wherever I am.

 

Dream

I slept in til midday yesterday. It was my first week of work and I was really tired on Sunday night. I texted my school friends to say I couldn’t meet up with them, maybe Tuesday night. Rhiannon could and we arranged to meet at her place for tea. We usually watched some movies, had popcorn and just hang out sharing the goss.

We had the lounge to ourselves as her parents were eating out at a restaurant – some anniversary or whatever. Rhiannon wasn’t invited but she was OK with that as she’s too old to be doing things with them.

She told me about her work and the people she works with. She feels she has to dress up as there seems to be a competition amongst the females. She doesn’t want to ask her mother for money now that she’s working because her mother doesn’t ask for board. Not like my Mum who wants 5%. It’s not much but I could do with every cent I get towards my TV and my car. Rhiannon is getting a car for her 18th birthday but this is three months away. Then we can really rock the town. She’s already started having driving lessons as her parents’ cars are too expensive to insure her. She’s going with a local school called HiWay and she has an older woman called Claire teaching her. It’s only once a week to start with and she hopes her parents buy her a similar car. She doesn’t expect a new one but will be OK with a European designed car with the indicators on the left hand side instead of the right. She said Claire was small and cuddly with short blonde hair and nothing fazed her as Rhiannon crunched the gears.

Anyway, we got stuck into the popcorn and shared our work and any friends we’d made. Rhiannon was a bit shy at first before she opened up and told me about a guy at work. She’d taken a pic of him on her phone and showed me – he looked a bit like Justin Bieber. They haven’t gone out yet but have gone to lunch once. Then she asked me whom I had met so I told her about my fellow workers at the shopping centre being all female.

Then I told her my fear of being a lesbian. She was OK with it and had wondered because I was always hanging out with the girls and never joining in when we talked about guys. I told her I wasn’t sure but I liked reading kirstywirsty’s lesbian sex stories. I’m ready to meet a girl who won’t be pretending to like me or have sex just so she could say “but I thought you were straight”.

That night, last night, I had an erotic dream. I was naked in bed with Natasha and she was teaching me all the moves. I could almost feel the feathery touch of her lips over my whole body. I couldn’t keep my right hand still and reached down to find myself sopping wet, ready for my fingers to penetrate. I used my other hand to flick my clit and in unison I worked my body to a pretty good orgasm. Someone at my nipples would have been even better. I reckon it was the lesbian sex stories that did it. This wasn’t the first time I’d had an orgasm but it was different from the last one when I woke up stimulated without touching myself. I suppose I need to go to confession on Saturday as masturbation is said to be a sin, though it doesn’t hurt anyone but comes under impure thoughts. If I can’t help myself and if I can’t have a female lover, then that’s the end of Catholicism for me. Wow, fire and brimstone and lightning bolts from heaven for me. Bring it on. I want to celebrate myself.

Connections and work

Connections

I was chatted up by a girl who works a few shops from me. She said she’d seen me a couple of times when she had her lunch break and noticed I was on my own.

Her name is Natasha and she’s been working at a department store for nearly two years. She invited me to join her and some others tomorrow at one of the cafés there where they don’t mind if we bring our own lunch. But we had to buy a drink.

I floated around for the rest of my lunch break, just thinking about this drop-dead gorgeous girl with blond hair, small hands and feet but not svelte. She had a beautiful voice which I’d die for, soft but baritone deep. It sort of wraps you in. I could listen to her forever.

Mmm…I wonder if…

The afternoon went really quickly as we had lots of customers, mainly Mums wanting school shoes for their kids. Some of them bounced off the wall whilst others sat quietly and wouldn’t say ‘boo’, let alone tell us if the shoes were comfortable or not. Some got black leather “Clark” shoes because that’s what their school prescribed, whilst others got runners for everyday and for sport. It’s too early for the footy season so that will be the next rush.

My boss, Mr McKenna, has shown me how to use the measuring slide so I can work out the width and the length of the customer’s feet, particularly the children as their feet grow so much. The adults, who usually come in the evening, already know their size so I don’t have to measure them. I don’t harass them either into making a choice but let them wander. Some know exactly what they want whilst other eventually seek me out and ask if I have such and such in their size. Depending on the country of manufacture, sizes do vary so I always bring out a few boxes.

It took me awhile to work out the boxes in the back room – rows and rows of them. On my first day I would write down the code because I was scared I would forget it. I must have looked such a novice.

I think I will like it here, especially as I love the smell of leather.

And the chance to meet some friends. I forgot to tell Natasha that I would be starting work after lunch as it’s a late closure. So I will come in early. I’m really happy and not feeling depressed at all. I hope my classmates don’t come to the Centre tomorrow.