It’s so hot I went for a swim with Marlene before work yesterday. We went to her local beach which is on the Indian Ocean and therefore a little cold. There was hardly anyone about so I didn’t have to stress out that someone would notice the lack of a bulge in my wet togs. I stayed in for ages and got a little windburnt on my face which has been red since I started my T injections. I wore a man’s singlet, a size too small, to flatten my breasts but still I felt self-conscious.
Marlene had a lilo so we played on that and I swam all around her when she got hold of it and lay down. It was so great to be cool and having fun with her. I really wanted to have some sexy fun with her but she wasn’t interested. It was all rather scintillating to have bare skin touching. Once I started swimming properly, my version of the crawl, and, keeping the shore in sight, I seemed to swim for ages.
I had no idea of the time and when we retrieved our clothes, I found I had half an hour to change and get ready for work. Whew!
My hair was still wet when I reported for duty but my boss didn’t say anything. Anyone could see I had been for a swim or a shower. Work was pleasant after my dip in the ocean and I resolved to do it oftener, especially as it was going to be a long hot summer. The news said the severity of the typhoon in the Philippines was due to the water warming up. I hope it doesn’t happen here though I’ve heard of cyclones not far north of Perth. That was in 1987 and no doubt some since.
I have a new regime with my T shots now. I only have to go every 12 weeks. It’s called Reandron-1000 and it hurt so it’s just as well I get to recover in between. I’m interested in how my body reacts to it as I was starting to get a bit of fuzz on my chin and down my front. I’ve written in my diary for when I can get the repeat and when to make an appointment with the doctor and the nurse. So the beach and Reandron are my new regime.
I nearly blew my licence test by not stopping completely at a stop sign. And I lost points by not looking in my rear view mirror every time. It sort of takes the edge off the happiness of getting my licence but I did it and my instructor was very happy for me. He didn’t make any other comment but I know I was nervous and didn’t look in the rear view mirror enough as I could see the tester’s ugly mug. He didn’t instil confidence in me and my instructor had a hard time engaging him in conversation. He gave up and I could hear my breathing getting shallower and shallower. Oh no, I wonder if anyone fainted on their test?
Joe was waiting for me at home as the instructor dropped me off as they do. Joe drove us to a great cake shop down the road and let me indulge my fancy with two cakes. He chose two, too. What a day. This has been so traumatic for me and represents my idea of freedom. I’ll tell my folks later tonight after I see Marlene. I’ve already texted her and she sent a big hug. I bored Joe with a blow by blow account of the test and he knew exactly where I went. My brain was mashed but as I relived the test, the streets and the directions came back to me.
Marlene took me to a bar that was quiet and dark in Northbridge. I still look so young even with all the testosterone coursing through my body. This reminds me, to tell Marlene that my T drug has been put on the private list but it will be worth the extra dollars. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been to the clinic and having to drop my trousers for the injection. It’s just as well I have a big bum as the injection caused a cork thigh on me. C’est la vie.
I’ve been back at work a week now and it’s like I never left. The same customers return which is good as some know my name now and want to know how I went in Melbourne. I can’t say what a torrid time I had from my family when I first arrived. However, after speaking with my counsellor, my mother became quite motherly and we parted on good terms. She wants me to ring once a week, via Skype, and to get a webcam so she can see any changes to my face. I wish. There is a shadow on my upper lip but that is all, and a line on my stomach. Hopefully these will all grow so I will feel comfortable going bare-chested in summer in over a year’s time. I have to remember to ask my cousin when he started growing a beard and having hair on his chest and stomach.
One of the Ozzie-guys told us how he lost most of his body hair, including under the armpits. He takes Testogel and rubs it into his moustache and beard to make them thicker. He can’t see much improvement though his goatee beard flourishes so much he has to trim it. It’s also gone grey on him. And he is not back at work having social phobia.
My mother knew there was something different as soon as I greeted her at the airport, as my voice had deepened. This was great news for me as I can’t really tell. What with my short haircut and boyish clothes and a sweatshirt to hide my bulges, a deep voice sealed her worries. I told her I was the same person though she thought I was now a dyke. I showed her my drivers permit so she could see my new name and she burst into tears. I had done the deed and changed all my documents so I was legally a man though not on my birth certificate.
I told her I was going into hospital in under a year’s time to have my mastectomy. I’ll be back at work in four weeks’ time. She wants me to have it done in Melbourne. We’ll see as I didn’t comment either way.
Will I see Marlene again now that I’m back at work?
I finally had my appointment with the Monash Gender Centre today. I talked about my being a boy and that I’d felt like this since I was four. I was told that I was of a good age to be transitioning though I will still have to have a double mastectomy. We talked about ‘passing’ as a man and what I was doing to minimise my breasts and whether I was packing. I explained that I was going to Perth to stay with a gay cousin and would be looking at my options.
I had already taken out health insurance when I started work so I could claim for the mastectomy in 11 month’s time. The Centre also told me they like their trans clients to undergo a psychology test. When I said that I was going to Perth in a week’s time they would see if they could fast-track me. I was also asked to rate myself between female (1) and male (10) on a scale of 1 to 10. I put myself at 6 and was told I was closer to 8. Wow. A pshrink who sees me as a man.
I also asked about hormones and was told I had to see an endocrinologist. More money and more doctors. I met another transman in the waiting room and he said that any doctor could prescribe testosterone but you had to have Sustanon and inject it. I’d read about that on the Internet and hints on how to do it. I’d have to find a doctor in Perth who dealt with trans people and find out how to get free needle exchange. I hate needles but if it makes me a man sooner and get rid of the pesky periods, then I’m all for it. Anyway, use the large needle – 19 – to draw up the oily liquid and a 23 needle to inject into my thigh or posterior. Gross but wonderful.
I can’t wait to get over to Perth and start the process. Maybe the Gender Clinic can give me a referral to someone as well as my psychology results. I wonder whether they use Rorschach diagrams or WAIS tests? I don’t care whether they agree with my assessment of myself but it would be nice to have it verified.