Tag Archives: transsexualism

Break room stories and being ‘read’


I had a quiet Sunday as Joe wanted to work in the garden but very early, like 5 am. I got up at seven and helped him move a few trees which were shading the flowers underneath too much.

‘They’re not flowering so a bit of Dynamic Lifter in water should do the trick,’ he said.

We went to another café for morning tea and it was nice to relax and be waited on. This café used numbers when placing our order and we got the right order of coffees, cappuccino in a cup for me and in a mug for Joe. I couldn’t help watching how the girls worked with a guy on the Barista who was probably the boss, being much older. I wouldn’t fit in here if they only have girls taking orders and bringing out the food and drink.

Last Friday I was ‘read’ as the community calls it. She looked like a dyke with pink dyed hair, leggings and a long shirt with Doc Martens on her feet. I took her order and nothing was said but she was looking at my chest and not my crutch.

            ‘It’s OK, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to say anything out loud.’

            I was so taken aback I dropped my pencil, my cheeks flared up (thanks to the T) and I handed in her order. When I returned she asked me when I got off work.

            ‘Five’, I said.

            ‘I’ll be back, if you don’t mind chatting.’

            ‘No, I’d love to chat.’

            I could see my boss eyeing us off and he intimated that I had found a friend. Whether she was a fair weather friend or not, I would soon find out. I was remembering the BreakRoomStories blog which linked to mine. They were often regaling us of stories about unpleasant customers. Lately they’ve been offering happy photos to help us through our shifts.

I don’t remember much of the rest of my shift as I was too excited about meeting this new friend after work. I had to concentrate on my orders and try not to mix them up. I really had it bad. It felt like a first date would, all butterflies and worrying that I wouldn’t make a fool of myself. But it wasn’t a date, only a meeting. Did the T make me more susceptible to women? Come on 5 o’clock.

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Drag queens


Last Saturday night cousin Joe and I went to a drag show in Northbridge. It was pretty amateurish but they did a good show of lip synchronising to artists like Madonna and Abba. I felt good as I had had a haircut that day, number one, short back and sides. I can say it in one breath now and am pleasantly surprised as I get what I asked for. I also had an injection last week so I feel really pumped up. I went on Tuesday morning before my shift. I can feel the injection getting harder to push in but maybe it’s my imagination or the nurse doing it. I asked about doing it myself but they advised me to wait until my 18th birthday when I can legally do all this. I know exactly what I want – a #19 needle to draw up the Sustanon from the vial, and then swap over to a #25 to inject into myself. I’ll do what the medical clinic does, which is to heat the vial before drawing it up. Another reason for a new needle is that the #19 will be blunted by touching the vial, and another needle will be fresh and pointy. Of course, the clinic doesn’t do that. Apparently I have to go elsewhere for my needles and syringes but I can also hand in my old needles.  And they’ll give me some swabs to use. Come on birthday, which is not until next year. Then I can get my licence, though I don’t have a car. I don’t think Joe will let me drive his little sporty MG.

While I was at work one day I got to thinking about one of the transwomen from Transsexual summer on TV. She also got a job in a café after trying for two years. She looked OK though a little pointy as she was really pissed off at not finding work for so long and being scared to be ‘read’ in the street. On one job they showed her having an interview at a bridal shop. The owners politely told her that their customers would have difficulty with her as she was easily ‘read’, especially with her Adam’s apple. I think she was very angry because she can’t look like a princess. Male hormones do mess up a transwoman’s body whereas transmen like me can pass OK most of the time. I was advised that remodelling one’s body so that people can see what you want to portray is a noble goal but also expensive. It is not a sickness though transsexuality is still in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual



The Melbourne Queer Film Festival is on now and Melanie and I went to see When Hainan meets Teochew. Melanie arranged with her father for him to take over at 3 pm so we could get into town and go to Federation Square and ACMI #2. We found our way there but got lost on the main level. I approached an events supervisor and she showed us the entrance. (I always get lost when I go there because I don’t go very often.)

The movie was about a male to female transsexual (Teochew) who looked quite feminine and dressed accordingly. The butch lesbian (Hainan) could have passed for a transman and also dressed accordingly. They both lived in the same apartment block. One day a bra fell off the hanger of Hainan which belonged to a previous girlfriend who had walked out on her. Teochew found it and hid it in her bedroom. She rented this from a landlord who referred to her as ‘he’ all the time.

After a rocky start, Hainan and Teochew become friends but Hainan’s ex-girlfriend turns up. Some funny moments and serious ones as the trio share Hainan’s double bed.

Then there’s the meeting with Hainan’s mother with and without Teochew. Her mother wants them to kiss but they can’t do it. Mother tells them to stop as it would make her feel bad being on her own.

After the show, we went for dinner at Maccas though I’ve been thinking about going vegetarian. I usually get lamb as sheep are preferable to beef. But both pollute the air and ground. So, maybe a vegie burger from Hungry Jacks next time.

We talked about the film and I talked about what I was reading in True selves…

I don’t know how I’m going to tell my parents. Melanie asked if I had a name picked out. I told her James or Michael. She likes Michael as she had her first kiss from a Michael. I hooted and said, so did I. Poetic or what.

What do you think of the two names? Leave a comment please.



Wow, what a week I’ve had learning the ins and outs of selling shoes. I also learnt a lot about other people and what they’re doing in their lives.

One woman was with Amway, another woman helped out with her church and one woman didn’t start life as a woman. I found her fascinating and spent a lot of time hogging her attention as I wanted to know more. I hadn’t seen the special on TV where about 6 transsexuals met up a few times at the weekend and talked about their difficulties in passing and getting surgery and hormones. It was all mind blowing and really made me think about myself. I shared my dilemmas about being a lesbian and how I thought there was something more.

This woman, who looks fantastic, told me about a book on transsexualism which she said will be very helpful if I decide I’m a transman or Ftm. The book is

True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism–For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals by Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley (Nov 30, 1996) – Kindle eBook

And only $12.12

I’ve downloaded it and I wasn’t very far into it when I realised, that ‘aha’ moment, that the stories in the book were mine. I was the one who ran with the boys and kicked the football the furthest and preferred their company to girls until I hit puberty and wanted to be around girls. I still wanted to do boy things, like football and taking a girl to dinner or a dance, but I had neither the money nor the will.

I realised why I felt like a square peg in a round hole who had no interest in sex with boys (or girls). I’m probably a late maturer. My friend at the training explained that it doesn’t matter to whom one is attracted, one needs to get one’s identity straight.

I think I like girls and want to have one as a partner. But then people will think I’m a lesbian.  And if my partner identifies as ‘straight’ then she won’t look at me as I don’t have a male appendage. Getting a penis is pretty scary as well as costly I would think. I need to find a counsellor to talk this over, then a doctor if I want hormones.

My friend told me about the Gender Clinic at Monash who will assess me and make me wait about 3 months for hormones in case I change my mind. She also said I would stop menstruating which made me leap for joy. I can’t explain how this monthly period depresses me as I don’t want children and I don’t want to be the little wife staying at home all day with the kids waiting for hubby to come home. I call this my suburban neurosis.

I’m going to read some more after I post this. Wish me luck.